It all started when me and Dom had to pick an option for PE. We could have chosen one of the great Chav-Olympic sports....
Swimming, Ice Skating, Trampy-o-leening....... Of, the silver lining to the dark cloud of Physical Education... JSLA!!!
I tell Dom that JSLA is easy, because its just a waste of time when helping those in our society who are less "Able-Bodied"
(children, timmys, Jeff etc). AHA! Easy!?
We did one lesson of Timmy Vollyball (which basically is vollyball, but you have to stay sat down!!!!)
before we get whisked off to our local Sheffield Hospital to play Wheelchair Basketball. This "Sport" soon gained the title
"Timmy Training". Because thats basically what it is.
And how do we get there?! VIA THE TIMMY TRAIL OF COURSE! But wait?! We can't WALK the Timmy Trail, incase a poor immy
falls into the motorway! So, we have a way of getting around this small problemette....
THE TIMMY BUS! Thats right, 15 centimeters of pure scrap metal, with car seats in them to pass themselves off as "a normal
sized seating arangment". It doesnt sound good does it?!
... And this is before the lesson has even begun!!!
After getting used to our flat tires, me and Dom got to grips with our new 'Chairs, and began to burn some serious rubber!
As did Jeff! If hes not busy throwing Tom Brennan (a notorious ginger Timmy) against a wall, even after numerous signals to
stop, Jeff is busy smiling, and making mine and Doms lives a misery.
The Missing Bus - So me and Dom are casually strolling to the Timmy Bus. Ashamed of ourselves
for the pain we have to endure for this, we walk kind of slowly. However, the bus man driver takes this into account, and
Me and Dom end up millimeters away from the Timster Bus when the doors shut and Jeff waves
us off!!!! WHAT THE....?! After much laughter and shame, Paul makes us sit in the mack of Mr Mcquans car, with what can only
be described as Hyper-Active-Giggling Syndrome.
When we finally get there, Jeff has the CHEEK! THE BARE FACED CHEEEEEEEEK to say "oh, nice of you to show(!)"
same to you Jeff, you twat shaped tub of shit flavoured lard. Trim your tash before I attach a tank of valium to it!
Jeff-RAY - Jeff. God I hate Jeff. Hes a Timmy Teacher who thinks the sun shines off his stupid
bald head! And whats with the 'tash?! He looks like hes just escaped a german prison camp in a burgandy jacket! AND hes got
a see-through pencil-case! (Typical Timmy Teacher tradmark)
The Timmies - Basically, Daniel can walk, but prefurs the feel of his wheelchair against his
stupid fat arse. Hes so lazy! Hes able-bodied, right, but uses a laptop and a wheelchair..... just to cause a fuss! I think
Gillian (Flinton) is too kind when she asks us not to push him over when leaving her (very challenging) lessons. Notice the
similarity between him and the original Timmy.
NB. Notice he has a "J.Lo" border in his room. oh the
Viva La Timmys - Jenn, thats me, was distraught as Dom left All Saints school that day to head
off to the sunny land of Espanol (thats Spain). However, I was not as distraught as Dom and Rachel as their teachers' prefured
method of transport was The Timmy Bus!!! Dom, Rachel, Natalia and many other idiots who enjoy the Spanish Language decided
to go to Spain. It just serves them right that they had to endure the Timmy Bus! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
How To Spot A Timmy:
There are many things you have to learn whilst
our Timmy Spotting. For example, there are certain places you may find one, and certain aspects you must watch out for.
- LRB, The Timmy Room, the cafeteria at peak times, The libary, my form room, the timmy bus.
TIMES - Whenever they have the chance to make a show of themselves
EVENTS - JSLA lessons, prayer reading time, Atomic Kitten gigs
TRADEMARKS - See-through pencil cases, brightly coloured hair, Deirdre Barlow
style glasses, Laptops, invisible mobile phones, Orange foam at mouth (that is foul!), Beatles CDs, inane grins, always (and
i mean ALWAYS) followed by a Timmy Teacher
NOW YOUR READY TO TIMMY SPOT! Remeber to take precations at all times, such as keep
your distance, don't make loud noises and take a big stick with you.