Older And Wiser - The Jennerz Story

Wisdom, Wiseness and...err... Knowledge
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Hello Young Padowans. Jennerz Your God is here with advice from beyond your earthly knowledge. In a very intellectual English lesson, myself and Dom worked out that if I had a big white beard, I’d look well wise, INNIT! So I’m gonna grow one and, ‘til i do, hand out a piece of hearty advice everyday! Here goes!


  • The lion is big.... but the small toad can leap!


  • Remember young padowan... The oak tree is beautiful, strong and leafy.... but the owl in its branches is so wise it graduated from Oxford with a recommendation degree in nuclear physics!


  • When the lion eats the gazelle, it does not show authority, reign of the jungle, or the hierarchy of the animal world. It shows hunger.


  • The mighty tree starts off as a little seedling. However, this does not mean that all things small end up big. Just trees and giraffes.


  • Men are not always right, despite religious, controversial and vegetarian debate.


  • Quorn burgers are infact made from carpet, so beware the meatless meat products


  • The anteater doeth eat the ant, but the ant doeth defeat the anteater in a battle of wits, strength and traditional Scottish caber tossing.


  • Whilst enjoying intercourse with the partner of your choice, still consider the dangers of “Fiddly things”. After all, as the great Prophet, “Trisha”, said… “You can catch more than a baby”! (- Compiled with the help of Kate Stevens and Trisha off that right good chat show!)


  • When out buying Hula-Hoops, make sure you consider the Glutamate value.
  • When trying to get down from a horse, remember to smell its hair, or the horse will consider it to be a great insult.

  • Whilst out shopping for aquarium orniments, consider the fishes feelings. If not, you will be playing a part in the huge Fish Vs Humans war, which will take place in 2008!

  • When watching Big Brother, remember to keep your eyes closed, or your brain will turn into a spreadable paste. Unless Kamal is on, because hes absolutly fabulous!

  • When asking for help with a word of wisdom, don't ask Tom's help. the words "as useful as" and "a bicycle for a fish" spring to mind.

  • When watching Peoples Court UK, don't call or text in. Because thats very sad.

  • When sitting on a field, keep an eye on the time. If your still there when the cows come home, you may very well get trampled to death.

  • Remember, the wet beaver smiles when tickled (as any experienced man/refugee from the peoples republic of Lesbania (Lesbians) should know

  • It is impossible to be as intelligent, clever, full of wisdom and down-right knowledgable as Jennerz Your God. So don't try. Unless you read a whole dictionary.

  • Anyone who does reads a whole dictionary is either an incredibly sad individual, or hungry for knowlegde. Anyone who eats a whole dictionary is just plain hungry.

  • Never walk under a ladder if Lib is on it. Not for superstition, but just because you would deffinatly have a lot on your mind if Lib fell on your head (About 3 or 4 tons on your mind, actually!)

  • Any woman who believes it when her husband/ boyfriend/ butch lesbian partner says "I have to watch the football or I'll go to hell!" deserves all the PMT in the world!

  • The best advice I can give you is to watch Neighbours - weekdays at 1.40 and 5.35!

From the creator of Jennerz Your God