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Older And Wiser - The Jennerz Story

July - August '05
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And so Jenns life continues. Don't cry, I understanmd your pain. But as life goes on, read all about it bitches!
 
June th, 2005
 I fuckin' hte everyone. Not just somebody, not even just a select few...... Not even a great big collection of The Darkness fans! But yes, I Jennerz Your God, hates all of my little Jennerlings. You have all dissapointed me. You are all bastards.
 Except the odd few. For I can never be mad at Neil. Even when she scratches my hand to ribbons (its summat my nan used to say lol when I went outside without putting shoes on when I was about 5. "You'll cut your feet to ribbons". God bless that swinger! She was obsessed that the floor was made of broken glass) just before an important exam. And not my little Domkins. My precious D'monk. I love her dearly too. And SPGs alright at times, when hes making Gary growl and bite me in that cute way. I love them. Theyre favourable Jennerlings. Its sad that 2 of my 3 favoured Jennerlings are animals. And Im not sure about D'monk as it is..... Shes always had that rouge animal like glint in the eye to be honest...............
 Infact, stop throwing yourselves off bridges. Cut that rope right now. Take the bullet out of your mother's old service revolver. Suicide isnt necesary, I do still love all of my Jennerlings. EXCEPT a certain few! Such as, of course, The Obsese One. No, not my dear vati. For he just offered me a mint areo. Hes also a favoured Jennling now. Infact, I hate so many people, I may list them on a special page. Hmmmmmm....
 Love Jenn XxX
 
June 12th, '05
 YEAH 'am BAD! c'est mon anniversaire..... or in english, ITS MY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAY! WOOHOO I RUUUUULE!
 As Vic said, im legal..... to buy a lottery ticket! hahaha!
Went to le cine for my birthday. I saw "House of Wax" and i would only recomend you see it if your a freak! FUCK ABOUT!!!!! I almost wet myself! It was so fuckin sick!!! So much blood! It was a really really great film, and very good storyline etc, and lots of fitties. But also lots of blood and freakiness! And wax! Diiiirty!!!!
 
June 14th, '05
 Look, a leaf! Its brand new! I think I might turn it over.....
Thats right children of the night! Jennerz has turned over a new leaf...... SHES GOING TO BE NICE! I know, I know, this WILL result in many of you killing yourselves without my fantastic wit and hilarious ranting, but it had to happen. Lib was looking at me with a glint in her eye, and I thought it was finally time for her to take a bite out of me, literally. So ive stopped the bitching (well, not Cold Turkey, obviously!) and hopefully I will be rehabilitated into a civilised member of the pubic....i mean public! Peace out kids!
 Mellow Jenn XxX
 
June 15th, '05
 As that spaz from the Mcdonalds advert once said.... IM LOVIN IT!!! ALKALINE TRIO'S NEW ALBUM, CRIMSON! It is sooooooo orgasmically fantabulously fuckng-brilly-o-so! With extra "FAN-DANGO!!!" Very much worth the £9.99 i payed for it!!!
 And also in the news this week - THERES A PIC OF VIM FUAGO IN KERRANG! BLOODY YEAH!!!!!!!
 
June 21st, '05
 Longest day of the year today. And dunt it feel like it. So much for "hours of sunlight". More like hours of bastard boredom! Ive got a hair appointment at 3:30, in which Jennerz your God is hoping to look like Brody Dalle/ Billy Idol/ Billy J.A from Greenday. However, knowing me, im gonna end up more like kelly osbourne. "Ive certainly got the jugs for it!" - Richie!
 Anyway, if everyone mocks me, i'll just diss their 'fros. Cant be too difficult. Im very witty you see...
 ODE TO MY FRINGE - Oh Fringy.....how i will miss yeeeee! You took ages to grow and made my life hell, because i looked like a freak with you being to short at one point....
 BUT THATS NOT YOUR FAULT! Your just hair! hair and dye! you are fabby! Youve helped me hide bad eyeliner disasters many times, and i will miss you as you get swept away by some trainee chav who works as a floor sweeper at my local hairdressing establishment. Yes, I will miss you... But fuck ya! Im gettin a punk 'fro! I care for nothin n noone man! except..... my fringe........
 ....LATER THAT DAY.....
Oh woe it me! What DID I say?! It hasnt come out quite how I expected. it looks good to me, but to some, it may look a little "Lyn Scully" off neighbours, or "Maxwell" from Big Brother, if you prefur. Not a good sign. However, im now a bona fidé punk rocker! Get the birth certificate someone! m changing my name to "Sheena"!!!
 
June 23rd, '05
Growing into the 'fro now. Its hard work!!! Loving my moheacan though!! My mum said i looked like a thug! bless her! And I can get it to look like Vyv from The Young Ones! WOOHOO!
 
July 7th, '05
Prom last night. I was really dreading it because I thought everyone would be really horrible to me, like they have for the last few weeks, but i think even the prom spirit made them feel bad for hating me..... just for the night! So i had fun, dancing around to "Come on Eileen" and "Grease Megamix". Can't beat t'old YMCA if u ask me!
 And the chavs were well annoyed that the "Goffs" enjoyed themselves. Fuck em anyway, they wont get any GCSE's, which means i need never see 'em again! Woot!
 In a bit Jennerlingz! XxX
 
July 13th, '05
Nothing nicer than natural, right? But that still doesnt explain why im dying my hair blonde tomorrow. I think im going slightly loopy.
 Blonde and spikey? I think ive been listening to The Offspring too much of late.... And Billy Idol. Eeeep. Im gonna look a right tuppence! Good job i got pink dye on standby incase it goes tits-up (which, lets face it, it will!)
 So, hows life Jennerlingz? Crap? Ahh, thats because, as your god, I make your life miserable if im not in a good mood. WHich im not. Because, ands i know this sounds trivial, but  missed the end of neighbours today because of my daft sister Katie and her skanky beatnick boyfriend coming storming in like hippies on smack! Stupid children. No wonder his mother chucked him out. 15 years too late if u ask me.
 I was in a mad frenzy of frenzyness and stormed off to my lair (my room) and started tidying up (which i do when im angry) and thought "Hmm, how ironic. When i get mad at james, i clean up. And when his mum got mad at him, so did she.... by throwing him out". Made an old god in the twighlight of her years smile to her wee self to be honest.
 Shes really fucking me off. Pardon my French. Not thats its french, or i'd have said "Merde" or summat, but u know what i mean. She talks like shes in a bloody soap opera from america.
 "Awww jeez mom ("Mom"?! WTF!) its only, like, 1am! Can't i, like, go out and sniff coke from a tramps ass-crack first, like, Lightned up man! Im just hbeing young and all that junk!"
  Now im naturally short tempered, and behaviour like this makes me want to smash her facer against the sharp corner of the worktop in our kitchen (at Chez Walton. and its very sharp, ive bruised many an elbow on there! Not that i have many elbows...).
 I just cant take it! Shes giving ME a bad name! Shes got a reputation for being a manky little ditzy tart with no braincells and a list of ex-boyfriends as long as Libs daily shopping list!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
 Jennerz Your God having a fit of rage and fury XxXxX
 
July 14th, '05
Here I am having another fury-filled day! I dyed my hair, right, but only the roots when blonde. fab(!). Sooo I put more bleach on it, and nothing happened. Except the roots when that little bit blonder. Sooooooo I put yet MORE bleach in, over the still black bits, and there was only slight improvment. Not being best pleased, I opted for the last resort. The only dye I had left in the house. The bright pink streaking kit. It looks ok I guess, and theres still some minor black streaks in it. BUT! And heres the good bit, when this pink washes itself away in the shower, I'll be left with a lovely light blonde 'fro - also known as "The Desired Effect". So, in the long run, lovely-jubbly!
 AND! Speaking of luverz-jubberz, Tenacious D are making a movie! FAAAAAAAANTASTIC! yeah, I knew they were great!
 I can't wait 'til 2006 now! WOOT!
   Love Your Vengeful Jennerz XxX
 
July 28th, '05
Still not best pleased. My 9 month orthodontic treatment has reached a scary point. Ive finally got fixed braces. Apart from looking like the Freak Of All Geeks, it hurts like buggery too! It has slit all the inside of my cheek, because the other God hates me so. Its proper caining like hell, and i have yet got no wax to keep it from hurting. Thankfully, the mother is just about to go out and buy me some. Aww bless.
 The pink is finally washing out. Ive been left with half blonde, half pink hair. Fabulous! Mutti was just playing with it (my hair that is!) and said it feels like a wig. Thanks oh mother of mine from whos loins i sprang(!) Urghh.
 Soooooooooo yeah. nowt else happened to Jennerz! Apart from i got a lock on my door! Which means no more CDs/ money/ make-up will go missing unneccessarily. Thank Little Jimmy Osmond for that!
 Love Jenn XxX

From the creator of Jennerz Your God