Aaaah, Claudia. Claudia, also known as "Claudz: God
Of All Bottom". And no, that doesnt mean anything sexy. Well actually it does where Rik and Ade are concerned.... But enough
of that! Should you wish to donate any prayers to the aid of the popular television sitcom, Bottom, this
is where to direct them.
Wanna know more about Bottom?! Here are some links to pages
on my site that have got it mentioned!!!
Ok, so now we know where to direct our Bottomy prayers, but why has she
been given this certain employment?! Well, its a long story. So to cut a long story short..... The End.
Nah, thats cutting it a bit TOO short isn't it. Ok, well to cut this very
short story a little bit longer, Claudz is Jennerz' "Comic Relief" in certain science lessons. Claudiz and myself sit in biology
having Bottom Frenzys! We sit around, quoting it, being hard and street and cool. It really pisses Mr Grififfs off, but he hates me anyway so
who gives a flying fuck about that?!
I think I'll wait for the
window of Curry's to blow, then I can get on with writing a nice tribute page for Claudz. I'd better grab hold of my ball-point.....
Ohh no no no! Theres no time for crap doublé entendrés! The window of Currys
has just blown, they've just thrown a nun through it!
Righty ho then! Banzi baby! Balaclavas on and lets get writing!!!!
Claudz Fact File (let those
Facists at the FBI get their hands on THIS! HA!)
Claudz, Claudz: God Of All Bottom and Monica (named after Richie's "girlfriend")
Reason For Being:
Having and inventing Bottom Frenzies
- Her knowledge of who Nessie is!
- Owning a large pair of underpants that she
sews little patches on, saying "Man Bait", with a picture of a worm! (Young
- Being hard and street and cool (Young Ones Moment, Take 2!)
Age: 134 years,
3 months, 10 days, 5 hours, 37 minutes and 19 seconds.... 20 seconds.... 21 seconds.........
Doing her biology homework.....
- Being freakishly into sports.... (*shudders*)
Drawing obscene images on the fruit in Sainsburys....
Dislikes - Chemistry.... I hope,
or else shes alot odder than i first thought! ARGH! RUN TO THE HILLS!
She liiikes - Nessie, but not in "That Way",
but shes mates with that Loch Ness Monster wanna-be!
-Anthing said by Sir Richard Richard and Sir Edward
Elizabeth Hitler. SULUTE! Put a doily on top of the telly, for Christ's sake!!
- "Knackers molestorer!"
- "Tappa tappa
- "Jenn, why havnt I got any quotes on my tribute page you knackers molestorer?!" (She loves me really!)
So now you know ALL about
Claudia, and if you try stalking her, I may have to impale you with my mighty weapon..... and im NOT talking about my enormous.....
Oh, you know Im not talking about that, aaah good good!
Bless you Claudz! Let yee rule as long as Bottom does (Forever
and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.......)
PS: SIMON PEGG! 'KIN YES! Hes in Guest House Paradiso as "Mr Nice", along
with the marvy Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson, and hes now starring in "Shawn Of The Dead!" I'm going to see that at the cinema
tomorrow, so I'll give a report of it on my God Log! Look out for it! Visit my page about it here at Shaun Of The Dead with Simon Pegg! 'KIN YES!