BOTTOM FRENZIES: F.A.Q
What is a Bottom Frenzy???
A Bottom Frenzy is a way of keeping both Jennerz Your God and 'Claudia:
God Of All Bottom' amused, amist the sheer bordom of Biology lessons! Basically, we quote lines from Bottom to keep ourselves
happy and smilin'!
What exactly IS Bottom???
You've never heard of Bottom?!?
ARE YOU MAD! ("Im completely insane!" - Eddie). Well, lets start with the basics. Bottom is the most hilarious comedy on TV,
written by and starring Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson. Its so good "it'll have grannies wetting their knickers!!!" (a quote
of Richie. I am, infact, in the middle of a Bottom Frenzy!)
Rik plays the "sad, pastic, winker" that is Richard
Richard... "a sad, fat phyco whos just shat his big girls pants and fallen into the latrine!"! Hes in a desperate search to
lose his virginity, and all he need is the love of a good woman. "Well, not even a good one, any old one would do. Slap
a wig on a 'Speak-Your-Weight' machine and hes happy!" Hes already punctured 'Monica' beyond repair! Currently living
in his aunties flat with the flatulant boozehound, going by the alias Eddie, and hating all things to do with this guy!
plays Edward Elizabeth Hitler, better known as Eddie, or "Chopper Hitler" to his 'two great mates'. Forever drunk and trying
to block out his life with Richie, Eddie spends most nights in his local, The Lamb And Flag pub, with Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog
("Its funnier in the pub"). Don't ask why they have such odd names, they just request random objects that only Richie
wouldnt notice as weird! Anywho, Eddie is a "bald headed loony tune" whos past-times include getting drunk, watching Miss
World and kicking Richie in the bollocks!
What are the symptoms of a Bottom Frenzy???
- You start to
- You become aquanted with drinking the kitchen bleach and eating the lard. Your excuse is "Im hungry but
Im too drunk to cook!"
- You say "oo-eer!" at everything, even when its not in the slightlest bit rude!
- You begin
to question your flatmates sanity.
- You begin to question your own sanity.
- You find yourself either forever
drunk or forever wanking.
How do I recover from such a Frenzy???
There is no sure-fire
way to recover instantly, and you may be in for days, maybe even weeks, of living in your own little world of Eddie and
Richie orientated nonsense! But, never fear, everything is said to have a cure, and here it is for a Bottom Frenzy:
towards the television set and watch endless hours of Bottom. Use the remote control that you recieved for your birthday,
but make sure you don't use the comb ("and don't steal all my birds!")
- Kick someone in the bollocks.
- Make a cocktail
of pernod, ouzo and a blob of marmalade with salt around the rim (also known as an "Ester Rantzen"). Drink straight
down but dont be suprised when it pulls your gums back over your teeth.
- Play a game of chess using prawns, tomato sauce
bottles, Spiderman statues and sausages.
What if this doesnt work???
Well, theres always a back-up
to every solution, so here goes. If these cures don't seem to work, then watch a few hours of Bottom Live, and then hit
someone repeatedly with a frying pan shouting "YOU BASTRD! YOU BASTARD!"
What about extreme cases???
Well, in some cases, it has been
known for people to go temporarily insane and do the extreme to show their love for Bottom. Such cases include the man who only
changed his underpants every 7 months, insisting that he "only put them on in Febuary!". Then, a woman insisted that she was
the real Edward Elizabeth Hitler, and shaved all her hair off, wore a brown hat and jacket and even stayed drunk for a record
In these such cases, there is no cure. 'Claudia:God Of All Bottom' and myself are fast aproching this stage.
Can a Bottom Frenzy harm you???
Of course not you foolish
Can a Bottom Frenzy harm others???
But of course! You can
injure your friends both mentally and physically by:
- Kicking them in the bollocks
- Hitting them with a cricket bat
Tauting them for being "sad, fat phycos"
- Annoying the hell out of them for repeatedly saying "Palm treeees.... beeach-eees...
- Making them play chess with prawns, and say that you're James Bond and if you lose then you've got to
- Making them play games of "Put A Bit Of Salotape On The Fridge".
How can I get more information about Bottom and/or Frenzies???
www.ediesbra.netfirms.com (© 2003 S.Greenwood and L.Allen.... Both genius' in the art of making me laugh)
This site is excellent! Very informative, especially in the World Of Bottom,
and very fun also!