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Filthy, Rich and Catflap
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Starring:

Rik Mayall as Richie Rich,

Adrian Edmondson as Eddie Catflap

Nigel Planer as Ralph Filthy

 

Welcome to the world of showbiz! Richie Rich believes himself to be a top family entertainer in showbiz. However, his over enthusiasim is stunted by his minder, Eddie Catflap, and his agent, Ralph Filthy. Eddie hates him, but has to mind his boy Richie anyway. Ralph has the hardest task of trying to get him some work, and when he does, Richie gets into some pretty odd situations. With milkman murders, blackmailing Noles and even mooning on TVAM, theres hilarious mishaps everywhere!

 

EPISODE ONE: Richie has accidently killed a couple of milkmen. One milkman, he could laugh it off. But two, well, its very Freddie Starr isn't it. However, theres also that small problemette of a 19 year old girl whos filed a paternity suit against him. He needs all his cash for him, but things turn out a little unexpected when Eddie has the blood test instead.

 

EPISODE TWO: Would you believe it. Todays the only day of the decade that Richie Rich is working. With a job at "Oo-er, Sounds A Bit Rude", a gameshow for all the family, he hopes its a major career boost for him. Things get a little too exciting when he manages to break into the Nolans dressing room. Meanwhile, Filthy has managed to find a way to buy his own fags, and Eddie gets out his easle in an attempt to pay off those blackmailing Noles.

 

EPISODE THREE: Its time for Richies dinner party. Hes been studying cooking all morning, so he and Eddie go shopping for 12 courses of meat. But Richie Rich will soon be in priz, because he nicked from the local shop infront of 50 mad checkout girls. So the guys need an alibi, and Ralphs best idea is a peep show. But they still end up in priz. Its a good job Eddies got an escape plan, and Richie can get home in time for his fabulous dinner party!

 

EPISODE FOUR: Bloody great news! Richies about to get a contract for advertising flowers, but only if his dad dies and he can get enough has-been celebs to the funeral. But when his dad takes a turn for the better, Richie takes Eddie to help find someone to kill his dad for him. Why they're in a gay pub is anyones guess, and when theres confusion over which gloves to wear when getting the rat poison, surely they're in the clear now. or are they...?

 

EPISODE FIVE: Richies about to become ENORM (Oo-er!) Hes got an incredible showbiz job, reading the gossip column on TVAM! But theres trouble. Can Eddie and Richie make it to the television studios for 4:30.... In the morning?! Maybe if they'd stayed in playing Triv, instead of going out on a lager and popadom frenzy, they wouldnt have ended up mooning to three million viewers on TVAM.

 

EPISODE SIX: For saving them in court, Filthy becomes the first man to be hung since they brought back capital punishment. But maybe if Eddie gets him some pipe (Don't ask, it spoils the plot) then he can help them get a job. Following their only talents, Richie and Eddie becomes part of The Scum. Now that theyre journalists, they've been asked to find out about Midge Ure and Mrs Thatchers affair. Even though its not true, they do what journos do best. Thats right, they make it up! After covering Filthys hanging, the trio find a way to corrupt every single light entertainer, until theres only Richie left. Has he really made it?

 

QUOTES:

 

R) Careful Eddie, you'll get grabbed by the dick!

Both) OO-ER!

R) We really mean get arrested by the store detective, viewers. It was just a pun we were doing!

 

R) Oh God, fans. Its a bore I know, but I do always say without the fans, even I would be nowhere. Tarby feels the same, and Kenny Ditch. Bobby Davro says the same thing and I said "Bobby love, you ARE nowhere!"

 

Both) LAGER FRENZY!

 

E) Well, Ive always thought that cornflakes... look a bit like people!

 

R) Eee-by-gum!

 

E) Thats life, deary!

 

E) Just because you never get any girlfreinds you think you can take it out on me!

R) ME never get any girlfriends! Thats rich! Its you! You never get any girlfriends!

E) I was out with a girl last wednesday!

R) Eddie, that was your mother!

E) Yeah well, I got a snog!

R) A snog?

E) Well, it was more of a fight actually. She beat me senseless

R) Oh, she beat you senseless, that must have taken at least ten seconds!

E) Fifthteen actually.

 

Filthy) We've got just one little problemette...

 

R) Now, Tibelt!

 

F) Get your mop out my face you silly old tart!

 

F) Whats mine, is yours.

R) Awwww

E) careful Rich, hes got syphalis!

F) Common. Close your eyes and open your hands.

R) Awwww, this is just like when I was at school. One of my mates said 'Here Richie, feel this!'

E) Steady on, Rich!

R) Eddie! Hes trying to get away! Get him!

*Eddie falls over the coffee table*

R) No! Open your eyes first!

E) Good idea!

 

R) T... V... A... M!

 

R) Richie Rich is inncocent!

E) Richie, Orville is a nylon green dayglow duck. The jury will hang you!

 

E) Smoke your own fags Filthy. Are you ill?!

 

R) Ive got a head like a.... like a.... Ive got a head like a.... well, a head actually.

 

F) If you dont come up with the money, its rollerblinds for the both of you!

Both) Huuuuh!

R) 'Ey?

E) Rollerblinds?!

F) Sorry, curtains.

E) Oh! Curtains!

 

R) Oh good, a blind doctor.

 

R) Im in the mooood, for richie. Whos not titchy!

 

R) Oooh, nice gag John! I'll be sure to keep my bottom firmly on the seat when Im anywhere near you!

 

E) Lets see whats for tea! Bugger all, or sweet FA. Never mind, I'll have both!

 

R) Oh shut up you little poof!

Filthy Rich and Catflap