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The "Top 50 British Sitcoms" was a complete and total FARCE!!!!! OK, in the top 5 should be Bottom (Rik,Ade), Red Dwarf (Craig, Chris etc), Blackadder (Rowan, Tony etc), Pheonix Nights (Peter, Dave etc) and The Young Ones (Rik and Ade again). WELL A BIG 'THANK YOU' TO THE TWATS OF THE BRITISH PUBLIC! There was once a time when I could say I was proud of my nation (thats actually a lie but it does make it seem a bit more exciting)  but now, NOW we're nothing more than a nation of complete fools, driven by reality TV and not even botering with comedy anymore. To you lot, comedy is when someone falls over. Oh har-de-har(!) or would you prefur "Whats your name" "dont tell him Pike". OH HA HA HA(!!!!!!) What in the name of satans fetid foreskin is all THAT about!

Ever loved comedy then thought "oh look! A programme on how great all my faves are!" and then been, almost literally, smacked about the face with a wet fish (by yourself) when you see that the top ten is littered with ABSOLUTE SWEATY BOLLOCKS! Read my disgust!

Here is my rant. it will include manya quote of the dudes that can actually be considered funny in society as I used to know it. they contribute to making this world great with the humor they provide, so I don't see why they shouldnt be involved in my claim to see that justice is served, and they are served as THE BEST!


Isnt comedy great. Theres all sorts. Jokes, slapstick, alternative.... And they thought alternative comedy was dead. Well Ive got isnt! Its alive and well, its just not very funny. (Quote Eddie. See, thats a comic genius that!)

Right, I state my claim that the British public are dumber than the offspring of a villiage idiot and the TV weather-girl, and WHAT THE FUCKY FUCK FUCK HAPPENED THERE! OK, a run-down of events. On saturday, 10th of January, there was a mere travisty on the tellevision. "Not rare for Channal 4, what with all that reality TV. Reality?! PAH! What sort of goons stay awake for the week, how real(!)" I hear you cry. Actually, I don't "hear you cry". You lot seem easily amused these days, don't you in the world of TV! Actually, its not the young ones who Im supposed to mad at. Its the voters for the Top British Comedy Sitcom. In the top ten Best British Sitcoms (as voted by the public) was, in no particular order, as follows:

Dads Army, Fawlty Towers, Blackadder, Yes Minister, One Foot In The Grave, Vicar Of Dibley, The Good Life, Only Fools And Horses, Open All Hours, Porridge.


Now I, for one of many, wishes to rename some of these, nay, most of these. many are oofensive, others are just my crap disses, but either way, Only Fools And Horses is more like horse shit ("and I've tasted horse shit!" - Kenny Snr/ "You talk shit!" - Paddy). WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! how many of you can honestly say, hands on heart, that you've ever watched "Yes Minister"? Or "The Good Life"?! Vivyn (The Young Ones) sums it all up really. "ITS SO BLOODY NICE!"!


I believe that Blackadder is the only proggramme thats in that top ten thats done us Britain proud. What else have we to show pride in? Eddie's suggestion that we're the best thugs in the world is poosably the only accurate account of what we're useful for. This nation, a nation of so-called intelectual people, have voted a monstrosety. And no, I do not mean Michelle from Pop Idol, but watch out for your donuts when she about (*yoink!*). i do believe that Britian has become useless, not what it was, good for nothing but sucking up to even stupider leaders from other parts of the world (*cough* Bush!). Now im not a political person (hence my hatered for "Yes Minister") but I am seeing a pattern emerge here. God, its like theres only me and Stephen Fry left! Actually, even I am unworthy of being compared to such a man as that, with his intellectual and comic mind capacity.

 Ok, "cut to the chase" I can hear you say. I bet your all eager to watch some stupid programme about a man falling down some stairs.... may I say how hilarious that sounds(!) Not as hilarious as "Pike", but I'll get to that later. Alot, nay, all of you will be critising me, saying I probably havn't seen these shows and have no rights. Well, I'd say to that: "What right do you have to judge ME! You do not know me, and if you did, then you would know that Im the sort of person thats seen pretty much every comedy on this god forsaken earth! I even watched and episode of "Two Pints of Lager...." once, before falling into a coma."
 The problem with this place is you do not understand value of real comedy. REAL comedy involves such CGD (Comic Genius Dudes) as Peter Kay, Ben Elton (in some cases....) and, but of course, Richard Curtis.
Did you think I'd forgotten someone? OF COURSE I HAVNT! Ive saved the best until last. To me, the best ever comedy writers, proformers and all round dudes are Rik Mayal and Ade Edmondson. Never heard of them? WHAT!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU, YOU, YOU.... MINOR! HOW DARE YOU! Rik and Ade are "the little orbs, twinkling on the gateux of Gods creation" (Which is how Rik describes his "little Botty" at one point). Life without them would be like a broken pencil..... Guess the punchline! ("pointless"). Well, anyways, I think that it was a massive farce, and that the voters were not only very stupid, they were also under enormous pressure to win a "Worlds Most Crap Decision" compertition. Come on Britian, I plead to you! Just because our "leader" (Blairs no leader of mine!) would do anything to be a complete and utter bastard, doesnt mean you lot should! If he said "jump off a cliff", would you do it?? No... Thought not. If he said "go to war" would you do it?! Actually, scrap that....
 What im trying to say is this:
"Red Dwarf - 18. The Young Ones - 31. Peter Kays Phoenix Nights - 36. But, worst of all, the icing on the big cake full of shit is this.... Bottom. A classic, hilarious, timeless piece of comedy about a sad, ugly virgin and his drunken flatmate is at a measly, stinking, bloody slap-in-the-face 45. A moment of disregard for life as we mourn, if you please. Rik, Ade..... Your better than them. If the bunch of fools that are the British public can't see that then I do believe that, well, they suck, you rule, end of. Ive also heard that, not only on the DVD for the Weapons Grade Y-Fronts (Buy it now, kids!) tour, the twats at the back "doing their own little play of shouting "Wanker"" should be hung over a pool of angry sharks with their goolies covered in their favourite ice-cream topping, but at the Sheffield gig there was many vile people. At this gig, my parents were there, thoroughly disgusted with the behaviour of my fellow Sheffield residents. To all who went to such a gig, and decided it was a good idea to pass snide coments and shout at the guys then I just want you to know that I, as with many, am deeply dissapointed. Not only am I disapointed in you, but you have helped to make my realisation that this entire country is an unapreciative, unworthy and alot of other words beginning with "un". For shame.


The aim of this rant was not to make you boycott such wank programmes as Dads Army and The Good Life.... no, on the contary, I do believe in free speech, and choice of what to watch. All I wish to say is that, in my opinion (which we're all entitled to, even Kilroy) that all of those comedys are about as hilarious as heart disease, but more annoying. So if you believe that "Whats your name" "Don't tell him Pike" is funny enough to have grannies wetting their knickers, then I really pity you. I do, for it isnt your fault. Im not one to be the judge here. I just want to clear up this weirdly odd thought that Bottom is only worth 45 in the charts of Top Brit Sitcoms, when stuff like "Last Of The Summer Wine" is at number 14. I am in a state of sheer confusion.


Oh well, Bottom is too good for stupid farce of a chart anyway. They should be in the super-duper-dudey league!

 I hate to agree with Jonothan Woss, but the British public shouldnt be allowed near the phones if all their going to do is fuck up the polls.


My Top 5:

1) Bottom
2) Red Dwarf
3) Peter Kays Phoenix Nights
4) Blackadder
5) The Young Ones


You may not agree, but sorry because I couldnt give a flying fuck.

I fully accept the fact that many of the quotes on this page are taken from people alot funnier than myself, but hey. I use their work to point out that THEY SHOULD HAVE WON! I would like to point out that no one can sue me because A) Im great, and B)...well, there isnt a "B" because the "A" was so great! (another of Richies quotes there).