Richard and The Young Ones
-Living Doll (a bit of the script)
It goes something like this....
"Look out everyone, he's coming through the doors."
"BRILLIANT ! He didn't even open them...."
"He's here !!!!"
Mike: "Quick Rick, do the
starts* (Video - the Young Ones walking down a street,
Rick pointing at the camera)
kids, stop snogging and pay attention to me. 'Cos if
you're a wild-eyed loner standing at the gates of Oblivion,
hitch a ride with us. 'Cos we're on the last freedom moped out
of Nowhere City, and we haven't even told our parents what
time we'll be back ! So put on your dancing trousers, and get
down to the utter King of Rock and Roll, CLIFF RICHARD !!!"
(jumps in the air)
Cliff: Got myself a crying, talking,
sleeping, walking, living doll.
(singing) Got to do my best to please her just 'cos
she's a livin' doll.
Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul,
I've got the one and only walking talking livin' doll.
OK guys, ready Vyv?
Vyv: Completely ready
when you are, Shaky!
Neil: Does anybody know where the toilets are?
does all this money really have to go to charity?
Yes it does, Michael! Hi Cliff, it's me !
Who are you?
Rik: Huh he, great
joke, Your Majesty!
Cliff: (singing) "Got myself a
crying, talking, sleeping, walking
Ones: (singing rather badly)
Cliff: "Got to do my best to please
her, just 'cos she's a living
Cliff: Got a roving eye and that is why
she satisfies my soul
Ones: "'Fies my soul!
Vyv: Fies my soul ?!
Yes Vyvyan, it's raunchy!
Mike: Shut up guys!
All: (singing) I've got the one and only walking talking living
Rick: OK daddy-io! Lay the next funky riff on me!
Mike: He means, "What happens now?" Cliff.
The instrumental break.
"Great, which instruments do you want us to break?"
"Guitar" (sound of guitar played very badly, followed by
"Piano" (same again)
"Violin" (blah blah)
Rick: "Vyvian's trousers"
Vyv: "Rick's head"
Neil: "Yeah! Ah, ah, Neil's head!"
Vyv: Hey! Cliff's head!
All: "No! No! NO!"
(singing)Oh take a look at her hair, it's real.
If you don't believe what I say ...
Vyv: (loudly) GONNA LOCK HER UP IN A TRUNK!
Mike: So no big hunk ...
... can steal her away from me.
(more twangy guitars)
Rick: "I still think locking
girls up in a trunk is politically
Mike: "It's only a song,
Neil: "Well, I feel sorry for the
Cliff: Got myself a ...
Neil: ... crying ...
... talking ...
Mike: ... sleeping ...
Rick: ... walking ...
Ones: ... livin' doll!
Livin' doll. Got to do my best to please her just cause she's
a livin' doll.
Ones: Livin' doll!
Cliff: OK guys, harmony now.
(very unharmonious) Got a rovin' eye and that is why she
satisfies my soul
Cliff: 'Fies my soul.
All: I've got the one and only walking talking livin' doll!
I've got the one and only walking talking livin' doll!
(flourish, end of guitar riff)
can I go now?
Rick: Er, yeah, thanks,
hits Cliff with a club, Cliff falls to floor)
"Right kids, if you don't buy this record, you're an utter
utter utter utter utter ..."
(Meanwhile Vyv knocks out Mike and Neil, then Rick ('utter
ut-*thwack*-ter...'). He then
looks around the room, looks at the camera,
smiles, shrugs, and then knocks himself out. The picture reverts to snow,
and on the record there seems
to be a scratch.)
.... This is as far as I could manage to scrape together, sorry. Hope it gave you a nice little
(Thanks to FAQ.org)